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April 20, 2010
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CIAN, bowler hat, medium gray trench coat, old-fashioned sunglasses, a cane.
BEAG, bowler hat, light grey trench coat.


SET: Front center, a rectangular table, around 8 feet long. To its right, as seen by the audience, an oven/stove. On the stove, a pot with steam coming from it, and on the floor to its right, a small garbage bin. To the table's left, a simple armless chair, facing the audience. On the table, one pound of ham, in one piece. The set is lit in medium light, and the remainder of the stage is left in darkness.

Curtains rise. CIAN sits at the chair. He stares directly forward. Five seconds.

CIAN: Ready, yes, they must be ready.

CIAN knocks his cane twice on the floor. BEAG enters from the right immediately, looks into the pot. He makes to leave.

CIAN: Are they ready?

BEAG stops and faces CIAN.

BEAG: Almost.

CIAN: Good. How long have they been steaming for?

BEAG: Almost long enough.

CIAN: Good. (Pause.) And the ham?

BEAG: Sitting on the table.

CIAN: Cooked?

BEAG: Since yesterday.

CIAN: Yesterday! Too long ago. (Pause.) Cook a new one.

BEAG: A new one! But –

CIAN: Yes, a new one.

BEAG: What about the potatoes?

CIAN: Stop them. (Long pause.) Will you go and stop them? You very well know I cannot do it myself! Do you want me to stay hungry?

BEAG: No.

CIAN: Do you want me to starve?

BEAG: No.

CIAN: Do you want me to hurt myself trying?

BEAG: No. I will stop them.

BEAG goes to the stove and turns off the burner.

CIAN: Good. Now cook more ham.

BEAG takes the cooked ham and drops it in the garbage.

BEAG: We are out of ham.

CIAN: Go out and buy more.

BEAG: Out? I cannot go out. I would be lynched.

CIAN: Lynched! Ah. Then use the old ham.

BEAG: I threw it away.

CIAN: Go out and buy more.

BEAG: Out? I cannot go out.

CIAN: Then go in. (BEAG makes to leave to the right.) Wait! (He stops.) How dare you leave me like that? Without saying goodbye?

BEAG: Goodbye, Cian. (He makes to leave.)

CIAN: Will you not kiss me goodbye?

BEAG stops, goes to CIAN, kisses his head from behind the chair.

BEAG: There. Goodbye, Cian. (Exit right.)

Long pause. CIAN knocks his cane on the floor twice. BEAG comes in immediately, carrying the ham on a roasting pan. He puts it in the oven, and makes to leave.

CIAN: Is it in?

BEAG stops and faces CIAN.

BEAG: Yes.

CIAN: Good. (Extended silence.) Are you still here?

BEAG: Yes.

CIAN: Good. Come closer. (BEAG stands behind the chair.) There. (Pause.) How long until the ham is ready?

BEAG: Long enough.

CIAN: Ah. (Pause.) You remember those days?

BEAG: Those days! Those were the days.

CIAN: Do you not enjoy these days?

BEAG: No.

CIAN: Nor I.

BEAG: Too gray.

CIAN: Too dark. (Long pause.) What time is it?

BEAG looks at his wrist. He does not have a watch.

BEAG: I cannot tell.

CIAN: Then the ham is ready. Get it out.

BEAG goes to the oven and removes the ham. He places it on the table.

CIAN: Are the potatoes ready?

BEAG: I stopped them.

CIAN: Then finish them.

BEAG turns the burner back on. Long pause.

CIAN: What time is it?

BEAG looks at his wrist.

BEAG: Later than before.

CIAN: That late! Take me to bed.

BEAG: What of the colcannon?

CIAN: The colcannon? Ah, you mean my elixir.

BEAG: Yes, that. What of it?

CIAN: I shall eat it tomorrow. Take me to bed.

BEAG goes to CIAN's side, takes his hand and leads him around the table, out right. Blackout. Ten seconds. Lights return, dimmer than before. BEAG sits at the chair, with CIAN's cane. He stares directly forward. The ham is on the table and the pot is steaming again. Five seconds.

BEAG: Ready, yes, they must be ready.

BEAG knocks his cane twice on the floor. CIAN enters from the right immediately, hands stretched out. He walks into the stove, stumbles, almost falls, avoids it. He feels his way to stand behind the stove. He leans over the top and sniffs, without looking down. He makes to leave.

BEAG: Are they ready?

CIAN stops and faces BEAG.

CIAN: I cannot see.

BEAG: Good. How long have they been steaming for?

CIAN: I cannot tell.

BEAG: Good. (Pause.) And the ham?

CIAN feels his way to the table, feels for the ham, finds it.

CIAN: Sitting on the table.

BEAG: Cooked?

CIAN: Since yesterday.

BEAG: Yesterday! Too long ago. (Pause.) Cook a new one.

CIAN: A new one! But –

BEAG: Yes, a new one.

CIAN: What about the potatoes?

BEAG: Stop them. (Long pause.) Will you go and stop them? You very well know I cannot do it myself! Do you want me to stay hungry?

CIAN: No.

BEAG: Do you want me to starve?

CIAN: No.

BEAG: Do you want me to hurt myself trying?

CIAN: No. I will stop them.

CIAN goes to the stove, walks into it, stumbles, almost falls, avoids it. He feels his way to stand behind the stove, and then feels for the knob to turn the burner off.

BEAG: Good. Now cook more ham.

CIAN feels for the ham, takes it, and drops it on the other side of the stove. It does not fall into the garbage can.

CIAN: We are out of ham.

BEAG: Go out and buy more.

CIAN: Out? I cannot go out. I would be lost.

BEAG: Lost! Ah. Then use the old ham.

CIAN: I threw it away.

BEAG: Go out and buy more.

CIAN: Out? I cannot go out.

BEAG: Then go in. (CIAN makes to leave to the right.) Wait! (He stops.) How dare you leave me like that? Without saying goodbye?

CIAN: Goodbye, Beag. (He makes to leave.)

BEAG: Will you not kiss me goodbye?

CIAN stops, goes toward and walks directly past BEAG, and keeps walking.

BEAG: Over here!

CIAN stops, turns, walks toward BEAG, walks into him, stumbles, almost knocks BEAG over, they both almost fall, avoid it. CIAN feels his way to the back of the chair, then kisses BEAG's head.

CIAN: There. Goodbye, Beag.

He feels his way from the chair to the table, to the stove, and exits right. Long pause. BEAG knocks his cane on the floor twice. CIAN comes in immediately, carrying an empty roasting pan. He walks into the oven, stumbles, drops the pan, almost falls, avoids it. He crouches, feels around for the pan, takes it, stands up, feels for the oven door handle, opens it. He puts the pan in the oven, closes the door, and makes to leave.

BEAG: Is it in?

CIAN stops and faces BEAG.

CIAN: Yes.

BEAG: Good. (Extended silence.) Are you still here?

CIAN: Yes.

BEAG: Good. Come closer.

CIAN walks towards and directly past BEAG, and keeps walking.

BEAG: Over here!

CIAN stops, turns, walks towards BEAG, walks into him, stumbles, almost knocks BEAG over, they both almost fall, avoid it. He feels his way to the back of the chair.

BEAG: There. (Pause.) How long until the ham is ready?

CIAN: Long enough.

BEAG: Ah. (Pause.) You remember those days?

CIAN: Those days! Those were the days.

BEAG: Do you not enjoy these days?

CIAN: No.

BEAG: Nor I.

CIAN: Too painful.

BEAG: Too still. (Long pause.) What time is it?

CIAN looks at his wrist. He does not have a watch.

CIAN: I cannot tell.

BEAG: Then the ham is ready. Get it out.

CIAN feels his way to the oven, searches for the door handle, opens it, takes the empty pan out, closes the door. He places the pan on the table.

BEAG: Are the potatoes ready?

CIAN: I stopped them.

BEAG: Then finish them.

CIAN feels for the knob and turns the burner back on. Long pause.

BEAG: What time is it?

CIAN looks at his wrist.

CIAN: Later than before.

BEAG: That late! Take me to bed.

CIAN: What of the colcannon?

BEAG: The colcannon? Ah, you mean my remedy.

CIAN: Yes, that. What of it?

BEAG: I shall eat it tomorrow. Take me to bed.

CIAN pulls the chair back laboriously. He turns it to the right, and pushes it off to the right. Blackout.

End.
:iconshedsimas:
Full title:
The Beckett Colcannon
or, How Not to Make Colcannon

Research project for my Theory and Practice of Creative Writing class. We were to select an author from a list, and write a recipe or how-to in their style. I chose Samuel Beckett.

Below is my accompanying essay, which explains all of my decisions regarding what to do.


Writing The Beckett Colcannon

Samuel Beckett is commonly described as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. He is best known for his plays, although he has also written fiction and poetry. There are several features of Beckett's writing that are prevalent throughout most of his works; however, his style is significantly different between his more famous, full-length plays, such as Waiting for Godot (1953), and his shorter dramatic work, such as What Where (1983). Thus, to condense Beckett's full legacy into a single short play imitation piece proved an incredibly difficult task.
One of the main differences between Beckett's earlier and later plays is the amount and strictness of stage direction. In Godot, the set is described simply as “A country road. A tree. Evening.” (Beckett, Waiting, 6) In his shorter works, however, Beckett either provides a diagram of the stage set-up, like that of What Where, (Beckett, What, 310) or strict descriptions of the stage and actions, such as those in Play. (Beckett, Play, 147, 158-160) Because The Beckett Colcannon is a short work, using strict stage directions seemed more appropriate.
An important aspect of Beckett's story-telling is the passage of time—or lack thereof. As Günther Anders said of Godot, “Although a 'stream of time' doesn't exist any longer, the 'time material' has not been petrified yet … time here has become something like a stagnant mush.” (Anders, 146) The same can be said of many of Beckett's works. He shows this mainly through two features: a sense of nostalgia for the distant past, and the repetition of events.
In Endgame, for example, Hamm says of Nell: “She was bonny once, like a flower of the field.” (Beckett, Endgame, 42) There are several similar instances of nostalgia; however, Clov describes “yesterday” as “that bloody awful day, long ago, before this bloody awful day.” (Beckett, Endgame, 43-44) This inconsistency about the past (“yesterday” is “long ago,” and is “bloody awful,” while “once,” presumably also 'long ago,' is described in a more positive light) shows that time does not pass in the conventional way. This is mimicked in Colcannon, where “yesterday” is considered “too long ago” and “those days” are considered in a nostalgic light.
More important, however, is the repetition of events. In Godot, the second act consists of the same basic events as the first; in Play, the first half is repeated exactly in the second half (or with a few minor variations, depending on the take); even in Backett's novel Molloy there is repetition: in the second section of the novel, Jacques Moran suffers from the same events as Molloy did in the first. Repeating events even just twice is enough to convince the readers or audience that, in the world of this story, that is how things work. In the world of Godot, it is impossible to go through a day without waiting, or without meeting Pozzo, Lucky or the boy who claims to be Godot's messenger. Similarly, it is impossible to retrace Molloy's steps without falling victim to paralysis or being unable to find the person you search for. In the world of The Beckett Colcannon, it is impossible to go through the day without failing to make the Irish dish.
In fact, failure to achieve goals is another important element of Beckett's work. Vladimir and Estragon are eternally waiting for Godot, who never comes; Molloy is incapable of finding his mother, and Moran can never find Molloy; in Act Without Words, everything the character tries to accomplish is rejected and prevented, even his suicide. That is why Cian and Beag can never finish preparing their colcannon. This emphasizes the sense of hopelessness that is present throughout the majority of Beckett's literary product, even though the characters know no different than to keep attempting to achieve their Sisyphean tasks, and thus do not realize their failures.
Hopelessness and desolation are further emphasized by two other elements of Beckett's storytelling, present most significantly in Waiting for Godot and Endgame: the need for human contact, and the sense of the outside world as inhospitable. In Godot, Vladimir and Estragon constantly try to embrace (Beckett, Waiting, 7, 12, 37, 48-49); in Endgame, Hamm insists that Clov kiss him (although he never does). (Beckett, Endgame, 45, 67) Hence, Cian (and later Beag), much like Hamm, demands that Beag kiss him goodbye before leaving.
Further, the world outside that delineated by the stage is considered harsh. In Godot, Estragon expect no less than to be beaten wherever he chooses to sleep (Beckett, Waiting, 38); in Endgame, the outside world is so bleak they are surprised to find that fleas still exist. (Beckett, Endgame, 33) In Colcannon, Beag refuses to “go out” because he “would be lynched.”
The final element of Beckett's plays mimicked in Colcannon is the power relationships between characters. In Godot, Pozzo is Lucky's master; in Endgame, Clov serves Hamm; and more abstractly, in Ohio Impromptu, the listener controls the reader by knocking on the table. Likewise, Cian gives Beag orders (although this relationship is reversed in the second half of the play, as the element of change). According to Michael Worton, these power relationships grow from the characters' need to have their existence confirmed: “The partners provide proof that they really exist by responding and replying to each other.” (Worton, 71-72)
The Beckett Colcannon only touches the surface of Beckett's style; given the breadth of elements found in Beckett's writing and the limited length of the imitation, most of the elements above are only briefly mentioned. Several details of Colcannon also come specifically from Beckett's writing: the extensive use of “Pause” is common throughout much of his work; Cian's blindness emulates that of Hamm and Pozzo (in Act II); Cian and Beag's clothes, especially the bowler hats, are similar to that of the characters in Godot; and even the medium (and then dimmer) light is similar to that in Play. Yet, it is impossible to do Beckett's body of work justice without at least a full-length, two-act play.


Works Cited

Anders, Günther. "Being without Time: On Beckett's Play Waiting for Godot." Samuel Beckett: A Collection of Critical Essays. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Spectrum, 1965. 140-51. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. "Eh Joe." 1967. Collected Shorter Plays. New York: Grove Weidenfeld, 1984. 199-207. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. Endgame, a Play in One Act, Followed by Act without Words, a Mime for One Player. New York: Grove, 1958. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. Molloy: a Novel. New York: Grove, 1994. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. "Ohio Impromptu." 1981. Collected Shorter Plays. New York: Grove Weidenfeld, 1984. 283-88. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. "Play." 1964. Collected Shorter Plays. New York: Grove Weidenfeld, 1984. 145-60. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. Waiting for Godot: Tragicomedy in 2 Acts. New York: Grove, 1982. Print.
Beckett, Samuel. "What Where." 1984. Collected Shorter Plays. New York: Grove Weidenfeld, 1984. 307-16. Print.
Burch, Norah. "Traditional Irish Names in Gaelic." Irish Names. Name Nerds, 15 Dec. 2007. Web. 26 Mar. 2010. <[link]>.
"How to Cook a Ham." Mahalo.com. Web. 26 Mar. 2010. <[link]>.
Nadeau, Maurice. "Samuel Beckett: Humor and the Void." Samuel Beckett: A Collection of Critical Essays. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Spectrum, 1965. 33-36. Print.
Rossiter, Christabel. "Colcannon Recipe." Food Network. Web. 26 Mar. 2010. <[link]>.
Worton, Michael. "Waiting for Godot and Endgame: Theatre as Text." The Cambridge Companion to Beckett. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 1994. 67-87. Print.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-04-04
=ShedSimas's The Beckett Colcannon is an interesting take on absurdist theatre à la Samuel Beckett. ( Suggested by ~Same-side and Featured by $wreckling )
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:iconsynthetic-milkman:
~Synthetic-MilkMan Apr 4, 2012  Student Writer
A wonderful reworking of Beckett. I found it to be particularly like Endgame for your character choice and the seating. What I've always found interesting about Beckett though is how language becomes a series of mantras that we use to solidify our existence. That is why he constantly tries to distance us from his words, using that repetition to confuse and defamiliarize the English language. I'm paraphrasing here but he once said something like, "every word ever written is a stain on silence, and nothingness." To this effect, he recognizes how people use their words without truly considering their meaning. The words we use are just phrases we build ourselves around, changing nothing, and remaining hollow. I think you caught that in your play, but I would have liked to hear more about it in your essay. This was a clever rendition though, good job.
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:iconshedsimas:
Thank you for your kind words. I did take a lot of cues from Endgame here, so I see why you might make the connection. Language is quite a striking element of the absurdist tradition in general, and it intrigues me now (looking back) that I did not mention it much in the essay.
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:iconneilkristian:
~neilkristian Apr 4, 2012  Professional Artist
A worthy tribute to Beckett and emulation of his oh-so-distinctive voice. There are strong echoes of Endgame in this, with the servant-master co-dependance (a blind and immobile master and a servant responding almost instinctively), the sense that "outside of here is death", and the longing for yesterday, of course. But this has a more cyclical structure -- less like a clock winding down than senseless repetition like Godot, Happy Days, or so many others: repetition with deterioration. THAT'S a constant in Beckett--yesterday was always better than today--and the anti-climax here, as in Beckett, implies countless more iterations. You've also got loads of bumbling physicality which Beckett would love too. This does about as good a job following Beckett's model as anything I've ever read. Bravo.

You request a critique here. Would you truly like one? I've both studied and taught Beckett (and acted Beckett and dramaturged Beckett) and would be reasonably qualified to offer one.
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:iconshedsimas:
Thank you. This piece is rather old now, about two years, but yes, I would very much be interested in reading a more extensive critique.
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:iconneilkristian:
~neilkristian Apr 9, 2012  Professional Artist
Knowing it's not new, I'm not hurrying; life is pretty busy now. But I will get around to this. It's a good piece and deserves a considered response.

Cheers!
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:iconlit-twitter:
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link] :)
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:iconclasstiel:
*Classtiel Apr 4, 2012  Student General Artist
This is amazing :) I want to see it performed now.
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:iconshedsimas:
Thank you. I would love to have it performed.
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:iconclasstiel:
*Classtiel Apr 5, 2012  Student General Artist
:) It would be amazing. You're welcome
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:icongummyrabbit:
~gummyrabbit Apr 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This was really interesting, and I thought it was well-written. It made me want to see it performed.
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